is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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