Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
