I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
