We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
