I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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