Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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