I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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