i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize