My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
a search helicopter?!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
