Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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