Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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