I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
