I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
