please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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