it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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