We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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