i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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