im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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