I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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