Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You're like the curious george of whores
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
