Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just high enough for therapy.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize