Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
