I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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