I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
