i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
