she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
