Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
