watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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