just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
