It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
