Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
