1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My vagina is officially offended.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
