I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
