i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
