Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
