i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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