Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
