Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Are we still banned from the library?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
