We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
