Your mouth is God's brothel.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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