ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
