needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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