I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
