Whod you bang
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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