So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
