dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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