In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
