I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
