Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
