i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize