Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
