im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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