May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
