you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
