I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
