There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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