Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
