Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
