I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just threw up on my dentist
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
