guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
