i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
