my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I had to cum in my sink.
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