The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How does one acquire holy water?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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