you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize