Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
